Apologetics: The Existence of God

The Holiday Season

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!
At least, for Arizonans.  I mean, that basically means that the lighting is different, it's actually cold in the shade and moderately warm in the sun instead of scorching.  We've been in the 30ºF range these past few mornings, and only in the low 70s in the afternoons!
Brr.
The desert animals are burrowing underground.  Frozen rattlesnakes are found on the sidewalks. (That's a lie.)  The coyotes aren't as vocal, as they quietly huddle somewhere in the valley to keep warm.

Normally, this change of seasons would excite something in my heart.  Yay! Christmas! Joy! Breaks from school! Cookies and carols and Jesus and Joy!

But frankly, this time last year marked the end of a lot of things.  As the cold in the air makes me shiver, the memories cause me to shudder with the memory of pain, loss, and fear.  I would give anything to forget it all.

Last Thanksgiving, my mom and I hopped off the plane at the Tucson airport after a 6-hour flight from Philadelphia.  We picked up the car and arrived at an empty house, still thinking about my uncles and cousins after my aunt's funeral.  Trying to make the most of things, I stumbled to the kitchen the mess of boxes and packing tape. (we had picked up and flown across the country amidst a move).  Wearing my Aunt Claire's old jacket (which her loving husband, Uncle Franklin, had passed on to me; Aunt Claire passed away from cancer over a year before,) I prepared an impromptu Thanksgiving casserole for my mother and me, as she killed a scorpion on the living room floor. (You've got to love the desert.)

I thawed some frozen ground turkey, and mixed it with stovetop stuffing, craisins, and a bit of gravy.  I sprinkled cheese on top, cooked up some sweet potatoes, and we had ourselves a pretty darn good Thanksgiving dinner (er, lunch - we were on Mountain Time now, though we were still internally on Eastern Time.)

It was not a bad Thanksgiving, per se; but we could think only of our relatives who faced their loss.
At that time, I faced the loss of a long-term friendship, the end of a dating relationship in which I was lead on, lied to, and - in some sense - mistreated.  Then my bird died.  I felt that my losses were nothing in comparison with those which others faced; but still, it was a time in which I found little to be joyful about.

I've had my meltdown at these memories, and now I sit here, considering how to approach this holiday season.   As with everything, we move forward; and that is what I am striving to do.  Though the sorrow from my losses has been rekindled within me, I am determined to light a new fire of love and peace this Holiday season.

I've been thinking about the Israelites, and how they waited thousands of years for the Messiah; for them, Christmas was a new beginning.  It was a time of rejoicing - yet, it was the beginning of an end.  The Christ child would grow to be a man, then he would die; but with his death would come new life.  It was the beginning to the end of sin, suffering and death.  And that end was a new beginning to life, joy, and hope.

In a sense, my experiences last year marked an end.  They were an end to my childhood, an end to my naîvety.  I faced new responsibilities, and put an end to my old troubles.  However, just like the Israelites, I had been waiting.  I was waiting to be tested, waiting to grow, waiting to find hope, waiting to understand the world around me.

Perhaps we're always waiting; waiting for Christ, waiting for hope, waiting for the right time, waiting to grow old, waiting for experiences.  To keep my mind away from my troubles, I must remember that my grief is like the monotonous interim of the Israelites.  Life came into the world for them.

This Thanksgiving, though I will inevitably remember the loss, I am determined to remember the gain. There is always something to be Thankful for.  As I celebrate Christmas and remember the waiting of the Jews, I should know what a joy there is; for there is hope, and there is rejoicing.  Death has been conquered and life has come anew! A new beginning may be found with Christ; He will always help me to conquer the death and the sorrow and the darkness.  The joy of his birth, the joy of his resurrection, resonates in the songs of the angels.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new has come!" 
- 2 Corinthians 5:17

Are You in Good Hands?

Tonight, after Confession, the priest told me: "God cares too much about your salvation for you to do this on your own; don't ever think He's not there." 

It makes me think of the hymn,
Be not afraid; I go before you always
Come, follow me,
and I will give you rest. 

I needn't worry about tomorrow, nor should you worry about tomorrow.
There's a plan.  It's taken care of.
Trust in God is basically an infallible insurance policy.

"Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself."
- Matthew 6:34

The Universal Church

The other day, I ran across a useful tidbit of information that I hadn't known before.  Perhaps I learned it, and then just forgot it because it didn't seem interesting or pertinent. (I was wrong.) Either way, it was fascinating and thought-provoking.

"Catholic" means "universal."

Our church is the Universal Church; it is not particular to one group of people, one set of individuals.  It is not different for you or me, and it does not merely pertain to a small group of things.  When something is universal, it is wholly-encompassing.

It is universal that we are men,*
It is universal that men can reason,
It is universal that men have spiritual souls,
It is universal that men have been created by God,
It is universal that men have had the Natural Law imprinted in their hearts,
And it is universal that we come to understand the Moral Law by following Christ's Church.

Just as it is universal that all men must eat and drink to survive, it is universal that all men ultimately belong to Christ's Church - the Catholic church - the universal church.

"The Catholic Church isn't inclusive!" Never before was a more ignorant statement uttered; for the Catholic Church is wholly inclusive.  All men are men of God, men created by God, created to be in Heaven.  The Catholic Church is the means to that end and, whether they know it or not, it is through that Church that they are saved.
If one is saved, He is saved through Christ's Church, whether he knows it or not.

Perhaps some look at this and say, "It's elementary."
Maybe it is. But I had never thought of it before!

Pax Christi cum tu homies sint.
(The Peace of Christ be with you, homies.)



*"Men," once again, meaning "mankind." I'm not being sexist. Sorry, feminists. I'm not sorry at all.

Beauty

As a young female, I am prone to looking at my own appearance and thinking, "Wow what a potato." Although I'm not nearly as self-conscious about my looks as I used to be, the little voice in my head still whispers insecurities. 

"Your eyebrows are really dark,"
"What's up with the muffin top?"
"You should stop smiling, because you always get a double-chin." 

Sometimes, that voice even says things like: "You will never have a chance with any guy.  There are millions of prettier girls; a man will never choose you over them."

My first instinct is to sigh sadly.  Then I'm just like "HOLD UP. I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN OF CHRIST WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN TO DIGNIFY MY BEAUTY BECAUSE MY WORTH IS VESTED IN CHRIST." *snaps fingers in Z-formation* 

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." 

- Proverbs 31:19-20

Frankly, it doesn't matter if you're tall or short, dark-haired or blond, whether your dress size is 4 or 24, whether you like to dress up or prefer t-shirts and jeans, or whether you wear make-up or not. 

I'm sure all God-fearing men would assure you that they prefer a woman who is confident in herself and, most importantly, loves God. 

Your body has been given to you to house your beautiful, unique, immortal soul.  In the words of Meghan Trainor, every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.  

Ultimately, since there are still women out there who believe this, there are still men out there who respect it; there are men who know that "when one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls." 

When the little voice in your head whispers to remind you of your imperfections, remind yourself that those words bear no weight in comparison with the words of Christ, who would say: "You are my beautiful Creation." 

Remember it.

Even if you have to write it on your mirror in Expo marker (that's what I did!) 

Pax Vobis,

Becca

When one finds a worthy wife,
her value is far beyond pearls.
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her,
has an unfailing prize.
She brings him good, and not evil,
all the days of her life.
She obtains wool and flax
and works with loving hands.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her fingers ply the spindle.
She reaches out her hands to the poor,
and extends her arms to the needy.
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting;
the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her a reward for her labors,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.

(Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31)

Fear of Death?

I can honestly say that this was the best summer of my life! There was lots of quality time spent with friends, and a ton of ideas for blog posts (and yet little motivation for composing them.)

Since this one will be short and easy, we'll see if I can get my creative juices flowing again and overcome my writer's block. 

School started a few weeks ago (yay! [?]) and with the dawn of this new (and FINAL) year of high school, I began the study of Catholic Doctrine. And I love it. Its like a treacherous journey across a sea of philosophy and logic.  My teacher is positively phenomenal, and all of my classmates seem to adore the subject matter just as much as I do...It's overall just a great class!

Now, to do a complete 180 - I've recently come to have fear and apprehension of dying.  In heaven, there is complete happiness that man cannot comprehend during his life on this earth.  Although this seems like something to be excited about, the inability anticipate what that might be like scares me to death. (...poor choice of cliché?) 

Frankly, as shallow as it may sound, I fear not being here. Even though life is hard and bad stuff happens, I kinda like this world; my friends, the birds, summer rains on the desert, snowy mountains in the distance.  Often, I think about how much of the world there is to explore, how many places I will never set foot, how many experiences I will never have.

We are given one lifetime on this earth, and the options are endless; so what do we do with it? 

Then again, there are the bad things; the things that cause sorrow and pain, and make me shake my head over the state of humanity.  There are the countless tears shed by the grieving, the lost, and the lonely.  Every person in this world must look out over the ocean, or at the sunset, or at the clouds in the sky above and think, "there must be more than this." 

It seems that we are not of this world. Something in our nature tells us otherwise.  And yet, we go on hikes, laugh with our friends, eat hamburgers, play volleyball, go to One Direction concerts, listen to Mumford & Sons, travel to new places, search for education.. and we fear the end.  When all is said and done, it seems that we don't belong here, but we do like it here.  There will come a day when we are not here anymore; I may be here now, but I may not be here tomorrow.  Or I may be here for sixty more years, and then POOF - gone. (Just like in "Looking for Alaska." That was my John Green-esque moment.)  

I'm scared of death.  I'm scared to not be here, and to be not sure where I'm going.  Frankly, I'm scared of going to hell, scared of purgatory - and oddly enough, terrified of heaven.

Heaven is what it is, not what one wants it to be.  Just like God "is who is." (Exodus 3:14)

It's fear of the unknown; it's the struggle to trust that God knows what's best for me, and that being in this beautiful place He has prepared all of us for, and placed in our nature to search for, will truly make me happy. 

This question is like a foggy day for me - I feel like the mist begins to lift and I gain some clarity, only to strain my eyes and find that the fog has set again.  But that's the way it's supposed to be - if we knew everything, where would the excitement be?!

God keeps us guessing. (He probably thinks it's funny. He's probably laughing at me right now.)

A moment of clarity came for me today, when I was talking to my good friend Nikki about Catholic Doctrine. Upon discussing how much we both love the class, I said this:

I remember going to a Confirmation retreat a few years ago.  Several of my good friends and numerous acquaintances were all present, and I felt truly at peace - like I could stay there for eternity and be content.  It wasn't certainly exciting or stimulating like listening to rock music or driving down the highway on a road trip, but it was contenting and peaceful.  When I am at Adoration, there is nothing else I would rather do. I never want to go back to the "real world" - because Heaven is more real and true than anything I could ever desire from this life.

Perhaps that's Heaven...focus on God, peace, with the people you love, and the One you grow to love the most. But I can't say that for sure. (I've certainly never been there!) 

Sticking to the Status Quo

Have you ever gone to a big city?  You're walking with your friend, and they exclaim: "Whoa, look at THAT!" And they point toward the sky above you.  Craning your neck, you look up...and up...and up... After what seems like forever, you catch sight of the top of the building.  The skyscraper looms there, its highest stories barely visible, appearing smaller and smaller, blurred by the reflected sunlight.  You squint in attempt to see what's above, but it is impossible to perceive the roof of the building with clarity.
Or when you're driving on the freeway and reach an open stretch.  You look into the distance, hoping to catch sight of mountains or trees or an oasis of any sort; it is a vast, open expanse.  Of course, you know that somewhere, out there, in the distance, there is something.  Just beyond the horizon dwells the incomprehensible.

Well. That's what the process of choosing a college feels like.  (Dramatic analogies? Perhaps.)

Hundreds, thousands of possible ways that you can further your education.  Also, hundreds of thousands of potential dollars that will be earned and spent for the sake of your future.  Even if you've narrowed down your options to four or five possibilities, it's extremely difficult to make the decision.  If you're me, reason carries you to a fork in the road.  At that point, weighing the options is futile; if it's a tie, you choose a path, and you see where you end up ...



Around sophomore year, I took a look at my life: most of my friends were from church, I was homeschooled, and I had a rough time convincing myself that those were good things.
I longed for college! "I can prove to all the people around me that I can do what everyone else is doing."

From a conversation with my friend Nikki.

This mentality stuck.  As I explored one of the public universities in my state at the beginning of the year, I was thoroughly excited by the fact that I could go, be normal, have a good chance at scholarships, be normal, live a few hours' drive from my family, be normal, major in business and, for once in my life, be normal.

Heck yeah, I wanna fit in! Heck yeah, I wanna be normal! Let's do this!



There was a Church there, too.  I mean, of course I would go to church!  What's the point in going to a Catholic college if you can still go to church at a public university? "It's time for me to be a part of the world," I asserted, "I learned Faith in high school to prepare me for this."

Thus, I intended on following the ironic advice of High School Musical and intended to stick to the status quo.



Oh, how I pledged to myself, that:
Oh, oh oh oh,
I shall stick to the stuff I know.
And I shall not mess with the quo,
No;
NO!
I shall stick 
With the status quo.





And that was that.
(No it wasn't.)

Because, then, I visited a Catholic university.
Oh.
Oh...
The beautiful churches, the deep material, the theology, the student body, the personal, comfortable campus
SmaLL CLAssEs
cATHOLIC PeOPLE
TRUTH

But no. OH no no.
Rule one of the status quo: Thou shalt do what everyone else does!

Plus, as I've heard time and time again: college will challenge your faith. These next few years will be the hardest time for growth in your Faith you will ever face.

I mean, if that's the norm...if that's a part of every Catholic's life...it's cheating if I have it "easy," right? It's cheating if I don't venture out of my comfort zone. Isn't it?

Perhaps choosing a small, Catholic college IS out of my comfort zone.  The fact that it is contrary to what would traditionally be done is uncomfortable.  It does scare me.
It used to scare me to the point that I wouldn't even CONSIDER the college which is now tied for my top choice.

This college is a charming little school in the mountains in California.  They offer one degree in Liberal Arts, providing a well-rounded education.  Unlike any school I have ever seen, they are small, tight-knit, traditional, and professional.  I told myself that never, never ever in a million years would I go to this school. Okay, I'll consider applying, but I won't go there. I would be submitting to everything I'm trying to avoid!
...Well, I guess I'll consider it.
.....Well, I guess I'm serious enough to go to their summer program.
.......Well, I guess their summer program helped me discover the meaning of life, made me feel at peace, led me to meet wonderful people, and invigorated me with the sample of literature discussion.

And now, Thomas Aquinas College is tied for my first-choice school.
I still have my doubts and apprehensions, but frankly, life is about risks.  Why risk my Faith when I can risk my place on the Status Quo Totem Pole?






Of course, I'm thinking my decision through more to discover what is truly best for me, but my mind and heart have opened so much to the possibility of attending what originally seemed like an unwise choice that clashed horrendously with my desires for the future.  As I reason and pray my way through this process, I am finding that this choice is actually wise, that challenging the ideals of society sounds invigorating, and that ultimately, admitting that I am a Catholic nerd who just wants to hide away in the hills and read books with my friends for a few years is actually way more empowering than I thought it would be. 

Essentially, my whole point here is admit to the good desires of your heart, because God put them there for a reason.  If everyone did what they truly wanted to do, instead of what society wanted them to do, the world would be better off.

If your biggest desire is to go to a university to become a doctor or a lawyer, by all means, follow your dreams, promote health and justice! But if you want to start your own business out of high school, consider religious life, work as a missionary in an underprivileged country, spend all your time making artwork and selling it at craft fairs, audition for broadway, become a mathematician, or just get married and raise a family, do it.

If you want what you want for the sake of God, pursue it.
If you want it because it will help you to grow in virtue, pursue it.
If you desire it to help mankind, do it.

Just because society says, "go to college, get a degree, work a 9-5, pay off your debt, buy a fancy car, work to pay off the fancy car, work so hard you never get to enjoy your fancy car," doesn't mean you have to.

It's invigorating to take the risk and do what you love. You don't always have to aim for the top; aim for where you want to be.  Aim for what will better your soul, and happiness will follow.  There's no greater risk than #YOLOing for God.

Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received
and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you.

((Philippians 4:6-9))

I mean, did Jesus stick to the status quo?