Fear of Death?

I can honestly say that this was the best summer of my life! There was lots of quality time spent with friends, and a ton of ideas for blog posts (and yet little motivation for composing them.)

Since this one will be short and easy, we'll see if I can get my creative juices flowing again and overcome my writer's block. 

School started a few weeks ago (yay! [?]) and with the dawn of this new (and FINAL) year of high school, I began the study of Catholic Doctrine. And I love it. Its like a treacherous journey across a sea of philosophy and logic.  My teacher is positively phenomenal, and all of my classmates seem to adore the subject matter just as much as I do...It's overall just a great class!

Now, to do a complete 180 - I've recently come to have fear and apprehension of dying.  In heaven, there is complete happiness that man cannot comprehend during his life on this earth.  Although this seems like something to be excited about, the inability anticipate what that might be like scares me to death. (...poor choice of cliché?) 

Frankly, as shallow as it may sound, I fear not being here. Even though life is hard and bad stuff happens, I kinda like this world; my friends, the birds, summer rains on the desert, snowy mountains in the distance.  Often, I think about how much of the world there is to explore, how many places I will never set foot, how many experiences I will never have.

We are given one lifetime on this earth, and the options are endless; so what do we do with it? 

Then again, there are the bad things; the things that cause sorrow and pain, and make me shake my head over the state of humanity.  There are the countless tears shed by the grieving, the lost, and the lonely.  Every person in this world must look out over the ocean, or at the sunset, or at the clouds in the sky above and think, "there must be more than this." 

It seems that we are not of this world. Something in our nature tells us otherwise.  And yet, we go on hikes, laugh with our friends, eat hamburgers, play volleyball, go to One Direction concerts, listen to Mumford & Sons, travel to new places, search for education.. and we fear the end.  When all is said and done, it seems that we don't belong here, but we do like it here.  There will come a day when we are not here anymore; I may be here now, but I may not be here tomorrow.  Or I may be here for sixty more years, and then POOF - gone. (Just like in "Looking for Alaska." That was my John Green-esque moment.)  

I'm scared of death.  I'm scared to not be here, and to be not sure where I'm going.  Frankly, I'm scared of going to hell, scared of purgatory - and oddly enough, terrified of heaven.

Heaven is what it is, not what one wants it to be.  Just like God "is who is." (Exodus 3:14)

It's fear of the unknown; it's the struggle to trust that God knows what's best for me, and that being in this beautiful place He has prepared all of us for, and placed in our nature to search for, will truly make me happy. 

This question is like a foggy day for me - I feel like the mist begins to lift and I gain some clarity, only to strain my eyes and find that the fog has set again.  But that's the way it's supposed to be - if we knew everything, where would the excitement be?!

God keeps us guessing. (He probably thinks it's funny. He's probably laughing at me right now.)

A moment of clarity came for me today, when I was talking to my good friend Nikki about Catholic Doctrine. Upon discussing how much we both love the class, I said this:

I remember going to a Confirmation retreat a few years ago.  Several of my good friends and numerous acquaintances were all present, and I felt truly at peace - like I could stay there for eternity and be content.  It wasn't certainly exciting or stimulating like listening to rock music or driving down the highway on a road trip, but it was contenting and peaceful.  When I am at Adoration, there is nothing else I would rather do. I never want to go back to the "real world" - because Heaven is more real and true than anything I could ever desire from this life.

Perhaps that's Heaven...focus on God, peace, with the people you love, and the One you grow to love the most. But I can't say that for sure. (I've certainly never been there!) 

Sticking to the Status Quo

Have you ever gone to a big city?  You're walking with your friend, and they exclaim: "Whoa, look at THAT!" And they point toward the sky above you.  Craning your neck, you look up...and up...and up... After what seems like forever, you catch sight of the top of the building.  The skyscraper looms there, its highest stories barely visible, appearing smaller and smaller, blurred by the reflected sunlight.  You squint in attempt to see what's above, but it is impossible to perceive the roof of the building with clarity.
Or when you're driving on the freeway and reach an open stretch.  You look into the distance, hoping to catch sight of mountains or trees or an oasis of any sort; it is a vast, open expanse.  Of course, you know that somewhere, out there, in the distance, there is something.  Just beyond the horizon dwells the incomprehensible.

Well. That's what the process of choosing a college feels like.  (Dramatic analogies? Perhaps.)

Hundreds, thousands of possible ways that you can further your education.  Also, hundreds of thousands of potential dollars that will be earned and spent for the sake of your future.  Even if you've narrowed down your options to four or five possibilities, it's extremely difficult to make the decision.  If you're me, reason carries you to a fork in the road.  At that point, weighing the options is futile; if it's a tie, you choose a path, and you see where you end up ...



Around sophomore year, I took a look at my life: most of my friends were from church, I was homeschooled, and I had a rough time convincing myself that those were good things.
I longed for college! "I can prove to all the people around me that I can do what everyone else is doing."

From a conversation with my friend Nikki.

This mentality stuck.  As I explored one of the public universities in my state at the beginning of the year, I was thoroughly excited by the fact that I could go, be normal, have a good chance at scholarships, be normal, live a few hours' drive from my family, be normal, major in business and, for once in my life, be normal.

Heck yeah, I wanna fit in! Heck yeah, I wanna be normal! Let's do this!



There was a Church there, too.  I mean, of course I would go to church!  What's the point in going to a Catholic college if you can still go to church at a public university? "It's time for me to be a part of the world," I asserted, "I learned Faith in high school to prepare me for this."

Thus, I intended on following the ironic advice of High School Musical and intended to stick to the status quo.



Oh, how I pledged to myself, that:
Oh, oh oh oh,
I shall stick to the stuff I know.
And I shall not mess with the quo,
No;
NO!
I shall stick 
With the status quo.





And that was that.
(No it wasn't.)

Because, then, I visited a Catholic university.
Oh.
Oh...
The beautiful churches, the deep material, the theology, the student body, the personal, comfortable campus
SmaLL CLAssEs
cATHOLIC PeOPLE
TRUTH

But no. OH no no.
Rule one of the status quo: Thou shalt do what everyone else does!

Plus, as I've heard time and time again: college will challenge your faith. These next few years will be the hardest time for growth in your Faith you will ever face.

I mean, if that's the norm...if that's a part of every Catholic's life...it's cheating if I have it "easy," right? It's cheating if I don't venture out of my comfort zone. Isn't it?

Perhaps choosing a small, Catholic college IS out of my comfort zone.  The fact that it is contrary to what would traditionally be done is uncomfortable.  It does scare me.
It used to scare me to the point that I wouldn't even CONSIDER the college which is now tied for my top choice.

This college is a charming little school in the mountains in California.  They offer one degree in Liberal Arts, providing a well-rounded education.  Unlike any school I have ever seen, they are small, tight-knit, traditional, and professional.  I told myself that never, never ever in a million years would I go to this school. Okay, I'll consider applying, but I won't go there. I would be submitting to everything I'm trying to avoid!
...Well, I guess I'll consider it.
.....Well, I guess I'm serious enough to go to their summer program.
.......Well, I guess their summer program helped me discover the meaning of life, made me feel at peace, led me to meet wonderful people, and invigorated me with the sample of literature discussion.

And now, Thomas Aquinas College is tied for my first-choice school.
I still have my doubts and apprehensions, but frankly, life is about risks.  Why risk my Faith when I can risk my place on the Status Quo Totem Pole?






Of course, I'm thinking my decision through more to discover what is truly best for me, but my mind and heart have opened so much to the possibility of attending what originally seemed like an unwise choice that clashed horrendously with my desires for the future.  As I reason and pray my way through this process, I am finding that this choice is actually wise, that challenging the ideals of society sounds invigorating, and that ultimately, admitting that I am a Catholic nerd who just wants to hide away in the hills and read books with my friends for a few years is actually way more empowering than I thought it would be. 

Essentially, my whole point here is admit to the good desires of your heart, because God put them there for a reason.  If everyone did what they truly wanted to do, instead of what society wanted them to do, the world would be better off.

If your biggest desire is to go to a university to become a doctor or a lawyer, by all means, follow your dreams, promote health and justice! But if you want to start your own business out of high school, consider religious life, work as a missionary in an underprivileged country, spend all your time making artwork and selling it at craft fairs, audition for broadway, become a mathematician, or just get married and raise a family, do it.

If you want what you want for the sake of God, pursue it.
If you want it because it will help you to grow in virtue, pursue it.
If you desire it to help mankind, do it.

Just because society says, "go to college, get a degree, work a 9-5, pay off your debt, buy a fancy car, work to pay off the fancy car, work so hard you never get to enjoy your fancy car," doesn't mean you have to.

It's invigorating to take the risk and do what you love. You don't always have to aim for the top; aim for where you want to be.  Aim for what will better your soul, and happiness will follow.  There's no greater risk than #YOLOing for God.

Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received
and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you.

((Philippians 4:6-9))

I mean, did Jesus stick to the status quo?

Recommended Books: A Philadelphia Catholic in King James' Court

Amidst all of the studying, spending time with family and friends, and getting caught up in activities, I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't read a full book outside of books for school since last Summer...Okay, maybe it's partially due to the fact that I spend too much of my free time on the internet. But I'm working on it. ;)

Finally, during Holy Week break, I had the downtime to actually read something for fun.  So I turned to this masterpiece: A Philadelphia Catholic in King James's Court by Martin De Porres Kennedy.

Brilliant.  That's really all I can say! 

Basically, it's a fiction story that brings the struggles of a Catholic in an anti-Catholic world to light. A lot of us have had the struggles of encountering someone who knows the Bible better, and uses it against what we believe...It's hard to know how to take it.

That's exactly what Michael O'shea wrestles with when he travels to the south with his uncle and cousins after his father passes away.  He helps his mother cope with the loss of her husband while they stay on Michael's uncle Les' farm.  They live a quiet life, during which they spend quite a bit of time discussing faith.

Uncle Les is a protestant man; a very good, Faithful Christian.  He wishes to do whatever he can to lead Michael toward the "right path" of protestantism.  He mourns the misguided ways of the Catholics.  At the same time, Michael grasps onto his Faith, trying to understand and defend what his parents taught him.

One of the things I really like is how polite the discussions are, and how much respect each denomination has for one another.  Even though things get heated and people feel passionately, they can all agree on one thing: that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and through Him we find peace, solitude, and salvation.  They keep the overall message that we're all Christians and we're all worthy of Love and Salvation, but they do not fail to stress that Catholicism is the True Foundation of Christianity. 

It's so easy to empathize and relate to Michael in all of his struggles. When he encounters a question, or someone threatens a Catholic teaching, you feel the intensity of the moment, and then the relief when the answer is revealed.

This book is entertaining, enlightening, and easy-going -- it's not a difficult read in the least! If you're looking Catholic fiction, you will enjoy it, I guarantee. 

Recommended Books: Fr. Laux's "A Course in Religion" series

Fr. Laux's Course in Religion is a rigorous, in-depth, passionate study about our Catholic Faith. Now I'm not going to lie, these books are a struggle.  The writing - and content, in some places - is dull and dry, but the messages and doctrines are unforgettable.  If there is an area of faith that you have questioned or are interested in, these books contain it! Trust me, they have it all.  If you're wondering whether an action is sinful, under what circumstances you have to fast, what fasting entails, what heaven might be like, how the Pope is elected, what the word "virtue" really means, or even if you question the existence of God Himself, the answers are here!!!

Published in the late 1920's, these texts are Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur.  They are logic and scripture-based, frequently providing logical examples, citing scripture, and referencing texts from the early church fathers. These four lovely books are the prized weapons of my Faith-defense arsenal!

This exceptional series can be used as reference material, or read cover-to-cover.  It's very easy to consult the table of contents or index to answer a specific question; however, I do highly recommend reading these books straight on through.  From the very beginning, they provide a thorough overview of our Faith on the whole.  It's overwhelming, an uphill battle, and a lot of information.  The advice I can give you is not to worry about trying to remember it all. Once you've read it, you know an answer is there, even if you cannot remember precisely what that answer is.

Ultimately, these books are like a tough hike.  You feel the struggle, your muscles ache, your lungs burn, you feel like you can't take anymore...you wonder why you're doing this to yourself.  But then, you reach the top of the mountain, and you gaze in wonder out at the clear, crisp, rewarding view.  You feel the cool breeze.  Now, with your strong muscles and your accomplishments, you can clearly see why you chose to hike up that mountain.

Yeah, that's basically how these books are. Reading paragraphs over and over again, squinting at the page, thinking "what the heck is he trying to say?!" falling asleep, only to suddenly reach a flowing fountain of interesting information! Then, you complete a chapter and realize: "I have learned so much about my Faith!"

My favorites of the series were Chief Truths and Catholic Apologetics (Books I and IV).

They piece together a puzzle which I personally believe is the foundation of theological study.  Chief Truths explains things that we need to know as Catholics: foundational doctrines, definition of terms we're familiar with (like Faith, Grace, Virtue, etc.), what we know of Heaven, etc., while Apologetics explains how we got those doctrines.  It starts from the very beginning of how we can reason that there is a God - with logic and scripture!

"Catholic Apologetics" is sort of my source of life.  It is the book that made me confident that the Catholic Faith is the True Faith, and it makes me feel confident in defending it. It starts from the very beginning and proves the existence of God before moving on to anything else.  It proves that the Bible is the Word of God, that Christ is the Messiah, that He founded a Church and that the Catholic Church is the true Church.  Honestly, reading that book made me realize that in 2,000 years of Church history, there's an answer for pretty much everything. Except for the Mysteries. But hey, God's not going to reveal everything to us!

I frequently to "Catholic Morality" and "The Mass and the Sacraments" for reference questions.  Catholic Morality takes you logically through the steps of what makes an act moral or immoral.  Then, it goes into specifics: our duties to God, ourselves, and our neighbor. Mass and the Sacraments provides a summary of all of the sacraments: proof they were instituted by Christ, who may minister the sacrament, how the sacrament is ministered, and all of the details about how the sacrament is conferred.

In short, if you're looking for a reference to answer specific questions regarding Morality, Doctrine, Sacraments, or Apologetics, these books are good ones!  If you're looking to deepen your knowledge of faith by delving into an intricate study, these are definitely the ones for you.

Inspirational Passage: 1 John 5:4-6

"4 For whoever is begotten by God conquers the world. And the victory that conquers the world is our faith. 5 Who is the victor over the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 

6 This is the one who came through water and blood, Jesus Christ, not by water alone, but by water and blood. The Spirit is one that testifies, and the spirit is truth."

Commentary: 
Ultimately, Christians will win the battle with evil.  For the Prince of Darkness is Satan, but his opposite is Christ, King of Kings and Prince of Peace.  Sometimes this worldly battle seems impossible, but really, its inevitable that righteousness will win.  Truth triumphs, and the Spirit is within us; if the Spirit is Truth, the Truth lies within our hearts.

If we feel lost in this world, or lost within ourselves, the light of Truth is always there.  The Spirit is within us at Baptism, and as Catholics, His place is secured at our Confirmation. 

"God's Not Dead" Movie Review [Spoiler Free]

My friend Rebecca and I decided to kick off Holy Week by going to see God's Not Dead.  Though I wasn't sure what to expect of the movie, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was uplifting and hopeful, and also real.  It was a great feel-good movie without being cliché, preachy, or sappy by any means.  Highly recommended movie!

So here are some of my observations about Harold Cronk's God's Not Dead!

Character of Josh.  For perhaps the "main character" or protagonist of the story, I found it fascinating that he didn't have much of a backstory -- but I liked it.  All you really know about Josh is that he's a freshman, an aspiring lawyer, a courageous soul, a good speaker, and most importantly a devoted Christian.  I sincerely felt that his lack of backstory and screentime really reflected a proper Christian attitude: focus on those who need your attention.  Though Josh was the protagonist of the overall situation (defending his faith) the movie, as a whole, lended more time to developing the backstories of the people around him, those who were touched by the message he was spreading.  It was a very interesting perspective, and it only stands out in retrospect.

Also can we take a moment to appreciate Shane Harper for all that he is.  In an interview he said, "I've always been interested in apologetics," and, "...Educate yourself, read and study. God is sovereign over everything so we shouldn't be afraid to be educated."
And then I mean just look at him.

I would say "God Bless him," but it looks like He already has...

Ahem, moving forward.

Josh and his girlfriend.  I was a fan of the fact that, when the movie started, Josh had a very pretty girlfriend.  It's a message to Christian guys everywhere: Yes, you can be a faithful Christian and have a pretty girl! (Trust me, I know at least five of them. I can set you up.) It also showed that you can have a romantic relationship that is chaste.  Beyond those points...yeah, their relationship was kind of pointless, fruitless and awful. I'm glad it ended fast. (Sorry for the spoiler, but it's really predictable.) 
I did find it an interesting turn of events that things ended because of the female pressuring the male to deny his Faith.  The stereotype is that guys pressure girls to deny their faith in one form or another, but this was the other way around.  Even though it was kind of stupid and corny that their relationship of "six years" ended over such a petty thing, it was good to get it out of the way, and I think it very well highlighted one of the temptations that we, as young Christians face: picking up the cross of heartbreak to follow God properly.  Bottom line, I was happy they didn't get back together, but pleased with the message of chastity the relationship portrayed, and love for Christ the denial of it portrayed. (albeit the relationship was super unstable. ugh. *vomits*)

The background characters / extras! Usually you watch television shows and movies and all of the people walking around in the background are your typical clean-cut, perfect-figure hollywood actors.  But in this movie, they had people of every sort -- not everyone in the background had a perfect body or a flawless complexion -- so it accurately depicted college students.  Some dressed in style, some had flawless hair, some had t-shirts and bedhead, some wore a lot of makeup, some wore none, some guys had their pants sagging, some guys had polos and khakis...they were all different, and it stood out.  It seemed real, and was a reminder that everyone, whether they know it or not, is made in the image and likeness of God.

Professor Radisson.  I feel like every Christian who goes to a public university encounters a Professor Radisson.  And every Professor Radisson encounters an audacious Freshman... I loved the fact that Professor Radisson was not particularly dislikable.  From the very beginning, you roll your eyes at him, you groan, you grin, "here we go."  At no point in time did I dislike him.  He acted like a jerk, but he wasn't explicitly bad....he was an oddly likeable sort of bad guy! I just rather enjoyed him, and Kevin Sorbo's portrayal of him was brilliant.

The argument for God's case. Josh's argument was well-presented and logical; he showed that human reason is important for faith.  Sure, he could sign the paper saying "God is dead." After all, it's only words! It's only for that class... But he reminded me of St. Thomas More.  Thomas More refused to take the oath that King Henry VIII of England had authority over the Church.  His family pleaded with him, saying "It's just an oath! Just words!" Just like Josh's girlfriend did when asked to sign the "God is Dead" pledge...I mean, Josh faced a breakup and a bad grade, while Thomas More faced the guillotine. But the principle stands: words aren't "just words" -- they mean something.  As they quoted from Matthew 10:32 "Therefore everyone who confesses me before men, I will also confess before my Father who is in heaven."  It was a good message.

Science.  In his argument in favor of God, Josh never directly denied science or philosophy.  His apologetic argument was definitely a good one; he utilized the quotes of renowned philosophers and scientists.  He mentioned the big bang in his argument.  He did not deny evolution in his argument, or discredit science.  He highlighted that reason, logic, science, and philosophy are all a part of faith, rather than separate from it.  "When you admit the existence of God, you do not commit intellectual suicide." 


Use of Scripture.  It was just the right amount.  They used it, they cited it, they referenced it, but it wasn't excessive or preachy by any means.



It was non-denominational without being anti-Catholic!!!! (Or anti-any-denomination for that matter!)

Reverend Dave was not perfect.  He got a little angry, a little flustered, a little burnt-out from working as a pastor.  The struggles he talked about were struggles that real pastors AND everyone else face.  He wasn't preachy, larger-than-life, or flashy, like reverends are in some movies, but rather down-to-earth, real, and imperfect.

Their struggles were real.  The struggles the characters faced were real...and raw.  They were tear-jerking and gut-wrenching, but without being overly dramatic, unrealistic, or sappy.  It was such a great balance and dynamic of characters.  The conversion of certain characters was gradual, while for others it was sudden; a few of the characters' stances were left open-ended, like our own questions and doubts.



Overall! The feeling after the movie was one of joy.  I felt uplifted, happy, joyful, knowing that God is NOT dead! The ending was perfect; it wasn't too happy.  Some loose ends were not tied up, some reactions were not shown, and yet the feeling was one of satisfaction and hope.  And it ended with a worship concert! Ahh. Gotta love praise music. #musicministryswag
Overall, it was just a brilliant movie.  Not too preachy, not sappy, well-acted...none of the messages felt forced. It was an excellent way to prepare for Holy Week; it highlighted struggles that we all face, had characters on all points of the road in their Faith, never highlighted any character as a "bad" character.  In the end, though not everyone was happy, everyone was content. Everyone was fulfilled with God's love, as I imagine the entire audience was.



**Photos not mine; found on Google Images.**

The Looking Glass [Jesus the Window Washer]

"I just want a clean slate."

How many times have you said that to yourself?
How often do you think to yourself: "I want to start over"?
How many times do you face the reality that people know you.  They have seen your little mistakes, like that time you accidentally said a bad word when you shouldn't have, the time you nicked a car in the parking lot with your front fender, the time when you tripped over your words while speaking in front of a crowd, or the other day when you dropped that entire stack of papers. Yep. They saw it. No turning back now.

Doesn't it just make you want to crawl under a rock?! Hopefully, you have good friends who appreciate your little quirks and see the beauty in your mishaps.

But what if they've seen your bigger mistakes?
Maybe they saw you wayyyyy drunk, loaned you money when you had spent your own on drugs, drove you for a few months after you got your license suspended for your second DUI, bailed you out of jail, or picked you up off the ground when you got in a pretty bad tussle.

Sometimes, you want to start over altogether; to go to a new place where no one knows your past, everyone knows the goodness of your heart, no one can see the smudges on your soul, and everyone sees you as you long to be seen.


Now, jumping to a seemingly unrelated topic because I couldn't think of a decent transition from one thought to the next:

"Looking Glass" is a suave, sophisticated term for "mirror."

I thought that entitling this post "The Looking Glass" would be more compelling than titling it "The Mirror." It's got some connotation of mystique that "mirror" has lost.  Like, when you think, looking glass, you think "Mirror, mirror, on the wall."  When you think "mirror" you think of a bathroom.  "Looking Glass" perhaps inspires you to think of a powder room.


When you look in the mirror, you see yourself.  (No duh.)
If you don't clean your mirror from time to time, dirt, grime, and dust gather on it, which distort the image of yourself that is reflected back to you.  In a freshly clean mirror, you see yourself fully: you look dang good!  In a mirror that is dirty, you cannot see yourself fully: do you have something on your face? Are those stray eyebrow hairs? You can't tell!
Perhaps your mirror even breaks, distorting that image even more.

But from someone looking at you across the room, they see you clearly: through their eyes, you are seen as beautifully-crafted, unique, crystal-clear image.



"Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Cor 5:17)
In God, all things are made new.  The moment you offer all of that dirt and grime and sin up to God, you know that you can be made new and cleansed!

The fact is, Jesus died once for all.  From the outside looking in, God sees us how we are: he sees the goodness in our hearts, the mistakes we have made, and our desire for recompense.  He sees our good deeds, the times we have made Him proud.
When we sin, it does not distort the image that God sees of us, but the image we see of ourselves.
In the mirror, we see a being crafted in the image of God.  The dust on the mirror distorts it.

It's not that we are bad, dirty, or unclean; for we know that we are good, clean, and holy from Jesus' sacrifice.  But rather, our sinful actions have blurred that image of God within us; they must be acknowledged and washed away to allow our true selves -- God's children -- shine through.

Thus, we know that the moment we feel sorry for our sin, we acknowledge the smudges.  When we try to do better and pray for forgiveness, we begin to rub them away.  Finally, when we receive Sanctifying Grace in Reconciliation, our mirror is completely repaired and cleaned.  We can clearly see God within ourselves, and we know that we have been made a new creation in Christ!


When others see our sin, it is as if we stand before a window -- I am on one side, you on the other.  You see a distorted image of me, for my side of the window is not clean.  When I take a step forward and wipe away the grime, you see me more clearly.  Perhaps it takes time to properly wash away the grime, and maybe you need to wipe the dirt from your own side - the dirt of rumors and harsh judgements - in order for us to see each other properly.


Just know this:
Hope is never lost -- it's never too late; whether you are fifteen, twenty, forty-five, sixty, or ninety-two, you are young and can be made new.  You as a being, as a soul, are true - God sees who you are.  Your actions do not define you or your worth, but they prevent both you and others from properly seeing the True you, that is, God within you.

Take courage! You can have a new slate, and you can start over. You just have to get to work; grab a chisel, a rag, some Windex.  Then, grab a window washer to help!

Your Bible, repentance, your Faith...
I don't know if Jesus ever washed a window,
But I do know that He can cleanse your soul.

"Roll Away Your Stone" - Mumford & Son's